BronxPearl v2.0

Confessions, ramblings, musings, and opinions from a BBW as she embraces 30 31 Years and Life (or at least tries to).

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Three Strikes

I got asked out on an unofficial date. It was supposed to be today, but it didn't happen, mostly due to a lack of communication and my not wanting to stress the issue. Here's the situation:

One of my co-workers (I'll call him Starks, since everyone says he looks like former NY Knick player John Starks), I think, has been flirting with me. I say "I think" because to be honest, I am completely oblivious when it comes to things like this. I can admit that my self-esteem when it comes to men being attracted to me is completely non-existent. My co-worker/road dawg swears that he is into me. Which was fine. I had invited him to the poetry night back in February and he said he wanted to come. Coolness. I even placed a reminder note and flyer in his mailbox the weekend of the event with a cute lil' note. Starks didn't come, but I was cool with it. He was apologetic and did take the time to listen to my recounting of the event as well as the play-by-play by the co-workers of mine who did come and, if I must say so myself, very eager to tell everyone about how fabulously the event went.

Still...that was strike one.

A little more than a week ago, I was talking to another co-worker about a comedy show that comedienne Erica Watson (who was the hostess at Phat Poetry) was doing at some club called The Tank. Now, Starks was coming towards my desk while this conversation was taking place. He immediately pipes up and says "I want to go." I smile and say okay and leave it at that. The day before the event, he takes it upon himself to remind ME to give him all of the info about the show i.e. address of the club, what time it starts, where I'll be, etc. I print up the info from the web, put my cell phone number at the bottom and gave it to him.

Sidebar: Erica's show was the BOMB! She is one of the most talented up and coming comedians out right now. Please check her out at

Starks was a no-show yet again. Strike 2.

When I call him on Monday to remind him to do his timecard so I can approve them (no, I'm not his boss but OUR boss was at a meeting & it is my responsibility to approve timecards when the boss is out) the first thing he says when I say hello is that he is so sorry that he couldn't make it on Saturday.

"I had some baby-mama drama I had to deal with," he said.


Okay, so anyone who knows me knows that I have for the LONGEST time said that I am not even trying to deal on a casual basis with dudes that have kids. This is one of the reasons why. While I have accepted the fact (?) that as I get older it may be more and more difficult to find men who do not have children, I'm still hopeful that it will happen. The crux of it for me is this: if you are a dead-beat dad, why would I want to deal with you? You are obviously not someone who can handle responsibility nor consequences of your actions. If you are daddy of the year, that is great, but what room will that leave me in your life? Obviously, your children with this other woman (women? ick.) should be your first prority. But I'm not trying to get blown off for "baby-mama drama" i.e. "is going out with some chic more important than taking little Tyrone or little Tasha out for some quality time?"

I digress...back to our story...

So, when I see Starks on Tuesday, he thanks me for calling about his timecard and once again apologizes for Saturday.

Me: It's okay. You have dissed me twice now for me inviting you out somewhere.

Starks: I thought people get three strikes, though.

Me: Most women do give three strikes. I'm not most women,

Starks: Hmm. We'll see.

So Starks offers to take me out for lunch to make up for his other no-shows. I say okay. He asks if I want to go Friday or Saturday. I say Saturday because that way, neither of us will have to rush back to work if we meet up at 3:00pm when he gets out of work. He says okay.

That was Thursday. Friday goes by without so much as a mention of "so are we still on for tomorrow?" or anything. Road Dawg and Denise both asked me why I didn't say anything to him to confirm. I say because he asked ME to lunch. He has dissed me TWICE on things I invited HIM to. If there is one thing that dealing with The Negro for as long as I did taught me, it is that when a man wants to see you and go out with you, there will be nothing stopping him from doing so and he will make his intentions known.

I was halfway hoping that he would have called this morning to ask me if we were still on for today. I was probably going to say no, since I was not really feeling going out in the rain today or going through the effort of getting cute. But now, at 3:42pm, I don't have to worry about it at all.

I don't know what his excuse will be on Tuesday when I see him. I don't really want one. It will make my life easier to not have to worry about having Starks on the radar.

Still, I wonder if I should have said something on Friday about it. I didn't because I didn't want to seem like the overly eager chic that hasn't been on a date in forever (even though I haven't LOL). But it would be nice to be asked on a date by a gentleman and not have to explain how it's supposed to be done...


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