I know a lot of my posts relate back to something that Belle in Brooklyn has written. But isn't that what a good blog does? Create conversation? She is a relationship writer. I'm not in one right now, and even though she is a couple of years younger than me, I still take note on what she says.
Today's blog was about Ride or Die Chicks
. Specifically, how she did not see herself as a ride or die chick that would be there for her man when he called her from the police station at 2am after doing something dumb.
"As an adult (21+), I’ve managed to keep myself out of dumb situations that will get me locked up or detained. I’m good for being the chick that’s like “um, I’m going home” or simply staying home when I think trouble might be coming. I don’t roll with people too long that consistently participate in reckless behavior. I expect other adults in my world to be moderately responsible and law-abiding too. I don’t think I am asking too much." said Belle.
She then told the story about how one of her male friends was so pleased that he had found himself a "ride-or-die chick" due to her angry and physical reaction to his partying in the club, a dead cell phone on his hip, while she called him repeatedly, trying to find out if he was inside of said club that she could not make her way into (they were supposed to be meeting) and not knowing exactly where he was.
So, I decided to leave a comment:
If "Ride or Die Chicks" are the ones who are at the precinct at 2am, then I'd rather be just a plain ol' good black woman any day of the week.
A question about your friend and Gold Dresses Tai: is there a reason he didn't think to maybe check outside to see if she had shown up as opposed to just partying the night away? Or did he do that and you just didn't mention that? Because I'm thinking that yeah, maybe he is in love with his "ride or die chick", but if I was Tai, I don't know if I would be too crazy in love with someone who would leave me out on the curb wondering if I was okay or not while he got his party on in the club.
One of Belle's male friends left the following comments:
Just out of curiosity and with all due respect - how many of you non-ride or die chicks have a man (a good man)? (This query applies to you as well Belle)… You don’t have to be honest with us, but be honest with yourselves.
P.S. Being a ride or die chick does not simply apply to being the chick we call when we are locked up. That is not all our realities nor was it the reality for the man mentioned in this story when he realized he had one. It's knowing you have a woman with you no matter what for whatever, whenever, wherever. We live in a remote control society, the minute we see something we do not like (commercials), we change the channel, and walk away.
There is nothing okay with someone partying the night away, knowing full well that your woman is looking for you. Especially when she was right OUTSIDE. Did it occur to you to maybe check for her? (No one has answered that yet). That is just straight up rude. She flipped on you because she cared about your inconsiderate self and you had her worried to death. That's not being a ride or die chick. It's checking you for your rude behavior and letting you know that if you even think to do it again, she most likely WILL "change the channel" on your behind.
So you know I had to write back:
I can be honest and say no, I don't have a man right now. Why? It's because I've been down that road of the 2am phone calls at the police station (and, sadly, far worse situations). And, quite frankly, now at age 30? I don't want to deal with it anymore.I think Belle broke it down perfectly:
"Standard shit? Fine, I’ll deal.
Just human shit? Fine, I’ll deal.
Life shit? No problem. I got you.
But utterly dumb (or disrespectful or embarrassing) shit?
What is so wrong with that?
I still say there is a difference between being a "ride or die chick" and being just a "plain ol' Good Black Woman".
Back in my ride or die chick days, dealing with Knuckleheads was completely me. I was also between the ages of 18 and 25 and didn't have a clue what a real man was. No--correction: I knew what a real man was. My dad was a prime example of what a good man was. At that age, I was a dreamer and felt that the Knuckleheads would grow out of their immaturity and their tendency to being inconsiderate more than kind. I learned the hard way that this is not the case for some of them.
I'm not arrogant enough to call myself the epitome of a Good Black Woman. LOL! I fully recognize that I am working on it. But I have no desire to be a ride or die chick anymore. There is always a line that can be crossed. There will always be a non-negotiable that will cause the channel to be turned. Good Black Women recognize that, and for the preservation of themselves, and their sanity, they will cut their losses and keep it moving.
I think dude has a Good Black Woman on his hands. Period. He is blessed to have her. And, that episode aside, dude seems like a Good Black Man. I hope to be a Good Black Woman to a Good Black Man one day.