The Fact Is...
Originally posted Wednesday, June 15, 2005, 9:19:00 PM on BronxPearl v1.0I could be a congresswoman or a garbage woman, a police officer or carpenter. I could be a doctor and a lawyer and a mother and a 'good-god woman, what you done to me' kind of lover I can be. I could be a computer analyst, the queen with the nappy hair, raising the fist, or I could be much more and and a myriad of this. Hot as the summer, sweet as the first kiss. And even though I can do all these things, I need you. And even though I can do all these things, we need you. We need you, we need you. And even though I can do all these things, by my damn self, I need you. I do, I do, I do, I do. And even though I can do all these here things, I need you. We need you. We do. We need you, yeah. We need you.
--Jill Scott "The Fact Is (I Need You)"
Listening to Michael Baisden's show, as you might have caught on, is one of my favorite parts of the day. Besides the fact that it makes being at the ring of hell that is my job bearable, he actually has some great topics and discussions with his listeners. Today's show really brought to light something I've been thinking about a lot lately, especially with the recent departure of the Cool Breeze.
The topic was "Sick of Being Strong" and the discussion revolved around the idea that most women out here would rather meet a good man who would allow them to be them while taking the leadership role in the relationship. Long story short: there ARE women who are ready to let the man take care of them. Let the man BE the man and handle his bizness. The whole idea of submission was also discussed. Not from freaky deaky submission, folks. Submission as in trusting your man enough to know that he is going to do what is in the best interest for the BOTH of you, not just himself. That old fashioned type of love where even when the wife was working, doing her thing, being the best woman SHE could be, she had a man that she could rely on to be there and be the man.
I know women who are ready to be married. Ready to be that wife who will take care of the household, have a wonderful Food Network worthy dinner on the table when their man comes home. She will have the house immaculate, will have written a few chapters in her book in between doing the laundry. If children are in their future, she will be the soccer mom, the PTA mom, the community activist, whatever will make her happy, knowing that her job is to make her man happy and keep him happy. Maybe she will work part time, just to be able to not have to give the career woman spirit within her completely up. Maybe she will start a work-from-home business that will keep her completely content. Men want a woman who will cater to them, their wants, their needs, their dreams, their desires. I know women who are completely ready to step into that role and be that woman.
Herein lies the problem: I'm not that woman.
Do I think that I would be able to run a household, cook a Food Network worthy dinner and have it on the table for when my man comes home, keep the house immaculate, and cater to my man? Sure! But here's the thing, right...who says I WANT to? I don't see my wanting to be a career woman as my being "too strong" for men. Admittedly, I've had MANY of my guy friends tell me just that. My moose takes great joy in calling me "Madame CEO" and "Oprah Jr." Shoot...Oprah has her man. But see, that is where it gets tricky too. Cuz Ms. O is quite happy living in sin with Steadman (sorry Ms. Winfrey but let's call a spade a spade...that's what it is). I do not want to shack up with anyone. I *want* to be married. I want to be Mrs. Aja Stubbs-insertnamehere. Some folks say that is a problem too, the whole hyphenated name thing. Star was way too eager to become Mrs. Reynolds. If I have made a name for myself being the daughter of Mr and Mrs. Stubbs, then dangit, the world is gonna know that is the stock that I came from here on out.
I'm digressing....let me get back on track.
Mike played the Jill Scott song that I took a piece from this afternoon. And it struck me as funny because it seemingly is exactly the OPPOSITE of what Mike was advocating today. Jill is saying, to me, that yes, she can be any and everything she wants to be in the world and more, but she STILL needs a man there to be by her side. It makes the ride all the more sweet when you have that person that you can come home to at the end of the day and just be with. Do I have to completely lose ME in order to have a good man in my life?
I *am* the careerwoman. I *am* a woman who wants to own her own business, make a name for herself in the Media and Publishing world. But I also am a woman who has lots of love to give her man. I am the woman that wants to be able to leave her work at the workplace and be all about my family, my man when I set foot in the house. So maybe I won't be able to cook everyday--but that doesn't mean that there won't be food in the refrigerator for you to warm up that I have put my foot in over the weekend just so you can have a homecooked meal. I have no issue with my man being the man of the house. He's SUPPOSED to be. You want to handle the bills, be my guest (I was never good at math anyway! LOL)! There is a descion to be made, I can let you make it IF you are that good and worthy man. I'm not one for arguing. If I am the HNIC in the boardroom, I have no issue with you being the HNIC of our household.
But let me be ME. Let me have my career. Let me follow my dream. Let me make it a reality. Be by my side as I do, just as I will be by your side and have your back no matter where you are or what you are doing. Be you corporate raider or 9 to 5'er, it's all gravy, baby. Let's be that couple that everyone wants to be, but can't because they can't figure out the secret that we figured out long ago.
Is that too much to ask?
According to Mike on his show today, I'm not going to find that Good Man because the Good Men want their women to be at home. Submissive. Playing Ozzie & Harriet or sumthin'.
The fact is...whether we want to be the stay-at-home wife/mother or we want to be President of the United States, fellas, we need you. And to quote Jill, you need us too.
--Jill Scott "The Fact Is (I Need You)"
Listening to Michael Baisden's show, as you might have caught on, is one of my favorite parts of the day. Besides the fact that it makes being at the ring of hell that is my job bearable, he actually has some great topics and discussions with his listeners. Today's show really brought to light something I've been thinking about a lot lately, especially with the recent departure of the Cool Breeze.
The topic was "Sick of Being Strong" and the discussion revolved around the idea that most women out here would rather meet a good man who would allow them to be them while taking the leadership role in the relationship. Long story short: there ARE women who are ready to let the man take care of them. Let the man BE the man and handle his bizness. The whole idea of submission was also discussed. Not from freaky deaky submission, folks. Submission as in trusting your man enough to know that he is going to do what is in the best interest for the BOTH of you, not just himself. That old fashioned type of love where even when the wife was working, doing her thing, being the best woman SHE could be, she had a man that she could rely on to be there and be the man.
I know women who are ready to be married. Ready to be that wife who will take care of the household, have a wonderful Food Network worthy dinner on the table when their man comes home. She will have the house immaculate, will have written a few chapters in her book in between doing the laundry. If children are in their future, she will be the soccer mom, the PTA mom, the community activist, whatever will make her happy, knowing that her job is to make her man happy and keep him happy. Maybe she will work part time, just to be able to not have to give the career woman spirit within her completely up. Maybe she will start a work-from-home business that will keep her completely content. Men want a woman who will cater to them, their wants, their needs, their dreams, their desires. I know women who are completely ready to step into that role and be that woman.
Herein lies the problem: I'm not that woman.
Do I think that I would be able to run a household, cook a Food Network worthy dinner and have it on the table for when my man comes home, keep the house immaculate, and cater to my man? Sure! But here's the thing, right...who says I WANT to? I don't see my wanting to be a career woman as my being "too strong" for men. Admittedly, I've had MANY of my guy friends tell me just that. My moose takes great joy in calling me "Madame CEO" and "Oprah Jr." Shoot...Oprah has her man. But see, that is where it gets tricky too. Cuz Ms. O is quite happy living in sin with Steadman (sorry Ms. Winfrey but let's call a spade a spade...that's what it is). I do not want to shack up with anyone. I *want* to be married. I want to be Mrs. Aja Stubbs-insertnamehere. Some folks say that is a problem too, the whole hyphenated name thing. Star was way too eager to become Mrs. Reynolds. If I have made a name for myself being the daughter of Mr and Mrs. Stubbs, then dangit, the world is gonna know that is the stock that I came from here on out.
I'm digressing....let me get back on track.
Mike played the Jill Scott song that I took a piece from this afternoon. And it struck me as funny because it seemingly is exactly the OPPOSITE of what Mike was advocating today. Jill is saying, to me, that yes, she can be any and everything she wants to be in the world and more, but she STILL needs a man there to be by her side. It makes the ride all the more sweet when you have that person that you can come home to at the end of the day and just be with. Do I have to completely lose ME in order to have a good man in my life?
I *am* the careerwoman. I *am* a woman who wants to own her own business, make a name for herself in the Media and Publishing world. But I also am a woman who has lots of love to give her man. I am the woman that wants to be able to leave her work at the workplace and be all about my family, my man when I set foot in the house. So maybe I won't be able to cook everyday--but that doesn't mean that there won't be food in the refrigerator for you to warm up that I have put my foot in over the weekend just so you can have a homecooked meal. I have no issue with my man being the man of the house. He's SUPPOSED to be. You want to handle the bills, be my guest (I was never good at math anyway! LOL)! There is a descion to be made, I can let you make it IF you are that good and worthy man. I'm not one for arguing. If I am the HNIC in the boardroom, I have no issue with you being the HNIC of our household.
But let me be ME. Let me have my career. Let me follow my dream. Let me make it a reality. Be by my side as I do, just as I will be by your side and have your back no matter where you are or what you are doing. Be you corporate raider or 9 to 5'er, it's all gravy, baby. Let's be that couple that everyone wants to be, but can't because they can't figure out the secret that we figured out long ago.
Is that too much to ask?
According to Mike on his show today, I'm not going to find that Good Man because the Good Men want their women to be at home. Submissive. Playing Ozzie & Harriet or sumthin'.
The fact is...whether we want to be the stay-at-home wife/mother or we want to be President of the United States, fellas, we need you. And to quote Jill, you need us too.
[Note: Artwork from http://www.blackartbytandc.com/ ]
posted by Unknown @ 1:48 PM
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