Murphy's Law 101

You think you are actually ahead of the game. Unlike the first photo shoot, where you only contacted your models about two weeks ahead of time, making it impossible for the ones way out of town to get to NYC, and making it impossible for yourself to find a make-up artist or stylist, you were prepared this time. All parties involved were notified a good six weeks ahead of time. A weekend was agreed upon by everyone. The stylist was able to get some gorgeous clothing from a really high-end designer. You met a make-up artist who sees your vision and, most importantly, did a face that your models loved. You already know your photographer is the bomb. So a week and a half before the actual photo shoot weekend, you are feeling yourself because everything seems like it is going to be perfect. All six of your models are coming into town. They got a great rate ona hotel room that you don't have to come out of your pocket for.

Murphy's law (From Wikipedia)
Murphy's law is an adage in Western culture that
broadly states that things will go wrong in any given situation, if you give
them a chance. "If there's more than one possible outcome of a job or task, and
one of those outcomes will result in disaster or an undesirable consequence,
then somebody will do it that way." It is most often cited as "Whatever can go
wrong, will go wrong" (or, alternately, "Whatever can go wrong will go wrong,
and at the worst possible time, in the worst possible way" or, "Anything that
can go wrong, will," or "If anything can go wrong, it will, and usually at the
most inopportune moment"). The saying is sometimes referred to as Sod's law or Finagle's law which can also be rendered as "Anything that can go wrong, will—at the worst possible moment".

When the 1st model cancelled her plans, you didn't really sweat it because she had cancelled before. When one of your most reliable models has to cancel, your swagger goes back to an unease stride.

When you wake-up on Saturday morning running to the bathroom puking your brains out, you can't help but think that whoever Murphy was, you want to beat him to all hell for his damn law. When the calls start coming in from your other models saying that they are all running late as well, you find some comfort until you remember that the restaurant that you have booked to shoot the photo shoot at will only be available from 2:30pm to 4:00pm. You manage to get yourself together and get to the photographer's studio by 1:30 and prayerfull, two of your models are already there, one's make-up already done.

You all make it to the restaurant by 3:05pm. A small window of opportunity but you know your photographer can work wonders in little of no time. The inside shots are complete by 4:00pm, just when the restaurant manager comes to you and asks if you can hang around for another 20 to thrity minutes because the owner of the restaurant would like to meet you. Of course, you tell her because you know that gives you time to get some hot photos of the models outside with the GWB in the background. Yes it was 38 degrees. But they are all troopers and dedicated to their modeling. The shots are gorgeous and the owner is just coming in when the models are wrapping up and changing their clothes.

So what you have no voice this morning. So what that you probably won't get any real sleep until tomorrow because you have another shoot and then a networking event to go to tonight. It was all worth it. And you remind yourself that everything really is everything. What is meant to be will be. What went wrong ended up really working very well. And at the end of the day, even Murphy himself can't stand up to the grace, mercy, and blessings of God.

Bridging The Gap

“Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.” –John Rohn

Belle in Brooklyn wrote a post yesterday reflecting about her days in college writing classes and how the criticism of one particular professor angered her because she had been given a B+ in a class and had been told by the professor “point-blank” that she was “Good, but a long way from great.”

Oh could I relate to that. If there was one trait that I prided myself on throughout school from 5th grade until I graduated from Marymount Manhattan, it was my writing. Once, I bumped heads with one professor who told me, “I know people have been telling you probably all your life that you are a great writer, but you are, at best, just decent right now.” Ouch.

At the end of that same semester, I had another professor who told me in a note at the end of my term paper that she had “given me an A” on it “for the thoughts expressed, not the effort put into it.” She also noted that” I seemed like I have a lot of talent, but choose to just get by rather than pushing to the fullest extent of my potential.” Ouch again.

The words of the latter professor have really stayed with me all of this time, mostly because she was correct. Writing used to come easy to me, and I took advantage of that back then because (as I told myself then) I was sick of college and just wanted to graduate.

I say used to because as of late, writing has not come easy to me at all. I have wanted to call it writer’s block, but it really is just a lack of having anything interesting to talk about, a point I realized also in reading Belle’s post. She mentioned that she made herself disciplined in writing by doing a writing exercise of writing about one thing that she sees everyday. I had a creative writing teacher tell me that once as well, and back then I did the exercise with ease. Marymount Manhattan College (MMC) is located on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. There was no shortage of interesting things to see, be them inside the walls of the college or walking to and from on the east side catching transportation back and forth to the northeast Bronx. Once I graduated, I still wrote everyday in my journal and was able to express my opinions and thoughts as part of groups on Yahoo. Then, as I was introduced to the blogsphere, I started my own and began reading some great blogs, it fueled my writing fires once again.

It was once I started my full time job that things went down hill as far as my concerns with writing. My time after work was focused on the website, and not much else. Now, two + years in at this job, I realize that I’m not inspired to write because I don’t see anything. I don’t witness anything in my drive to work (or if I do, I am oblivious because I am so disgusted with my current 9 to 5). On my way home, I am exhausted and ready to come home, east some dinner, and get back on the computer once again to work on my budding multimedia empire until 11pm when I go to sleep in order to prepare for the next day’s grind.

I always berate myself, saying that I need to be more disciplined. About a lot of things really: my finances, my health, my goals. And yet, just as my professor said nearly five years ago now, I continue to skate through as opposed to putting my nose to the grindstone and busting out what could be something great. I could blame it on having surrounded myself with like-minded people for awhile, but then, at the end of the day, it all comes right back to me.

I have been working on several blogs, some actually detailing items I mentioned above that I need to be more disciplined with, Perhaps having gotten this blog out and posted will help me get the others posted as well. I know certainly that I won’t get anywhere by skating by anymore.

Real Love (Revisited)

Today I went to a friend's birthday "Girlfriend's" Spa Day Party. While it was great fun, it was weird being the "single" one. The one who had no "my husband and I" stories. That and Belle's post about A & B Connections with individuals reminded be about this post I had written a couple of years ago. While me and the individual in question are once again in limbo, the sentiments about what I am looking for still ring true--and did even more so amongst all of the wifeys I was with today.

Original Post Date: Monday, September 26, 2005, 7:44:00 PM

I am someone looking for love. Real love...ridiculous...inconvenient...consuming...
can't live without each other love. --Carrie Bradshaw, "Sex and the City

Fans of "Sex and the City" will recognize these words from Carrie as she told "the Russian" that she was looking for love, not just the thrill of being in Paris. When I first heard them, I made sure that I taped the re-run later in the week so I could get them exactly right. Because regardless of anything else going on in the world with me, I am a woman looking for love.

Given all the talk about Soul Ties lately in the parts of the blogsphere that I visit frequently, I have been wondering about myself and my connection to this one individual in particular. I do believe that on a friendship level, our souls are tied to each other. For six years now, we have grown, broken apart, come back together, and know each other better than a lot of folks who claim to know each of us. We've had individuals try and come between our friendship for the silliest of reasons. And still...here we are, rooting for our Jets, laughing at the ridiculousness
that is both of our workplaces, and just being comfortable and safe around each other.

And that is what gets me and worries me. I am very comfortable in the little gray area that we have established for ourselves, but still...I want more. Not necessarily from HIM, but I am looking for more. I want to be able to have and share what we share, but I also want to be able to share an "I love you" at the end of those late night/early morning phone conversations. I
want to "cater" to my special guy...do the little things that mean so much for someone I love and have the security in knowing loves me back.

I am not fooling myself into believing that just because he says that we could end up together one day that it is going to happen. One day could be tomorrow...one day could be when we are both 90 sitting in a nursing home somewhere. And what exactly does, "Whether it's me or some other man, you are going to make whoever will be your husband a very happy, blessed and lucky man" mean? *rollin em*

*singing* "I gotta shake you off...cuz you keep on playing games like you know I'm here to stay..."

I understand where SJP's character was coming from in that final season. Love *is* inconvenient. It sometimes means doing something for the one you love at the neglect of something that you may want to do for yourself every so often...from something as simple as giving up the TV remote for the night to going to that important function to just listening when you want to be doing anything else but hearing the hurt in the words that the one you love is pouring out to you. Love *is* consuming. When you are in love, everything else seems to be so much brighter when everything is going well and so much darker when everything is on the rocks. Going through the daily grind isn't half as bad as it could be when you are loving somebody and that somebody loves you back. Even when the arguments are heated and long, there is so much beauty in being able to agree to disagree and make up. Love *is* ridiculous. Sometimes it just doesn't make any sense how happy it can make you, how sad it can make you when you are apart, how crazy you two can both look to someone on the outside looking in because they don't get the inside jokes, the stolen glances that mean so much more than anyone else could ever know. And while I wouldn't go as far as to say that my life would be "purposeless" without the special man in my life a la Destiny's Child, I do believe that when you are with that special love of your life, you do feel like your life has so much more meaning because they are a part of it. You of course will always be you, but you do consciously set out to not only make yourself proud, but make that person proud as well. It's not looking for their approval, so much as it is knowing that they have your back, regardless.

It is real. And it is what I am looking for. I don't want to just be a safety net because you know I won't hurt you. I don't want to "end up" with you a la Jagged Edge ("We ain't getting no younger so we might as well do it" my fat behind. Hell to the no). If you are going to be my man, and call me your woman, I want it to be because you love me. Simple, isn't it? Because I make you happy. Because you trust me fully and completely.

Because that is what I would have to feel for you for me to want to be with you. It's not rocket science. At the end of the day, it is the most complex, yet the most innocent emotion in the world.

"you see I'm searching for a real love but I don't know where to go/been around the world and high and low and still i've never known/how it feels to have a real love cuz there seems there's none around/gotta end it in this way because it seems he can't be found...."
--Mary J. Blige "Real Love"

Fresh From The Oven

In speaking to one of my dear online friends, Glen, I mentioned to him that I have been thinking about moving Belle-Noir.com into a new format.

Pearlie: i don't know why this blog idea is in my head so much
Glen: becasue you see the benefit of bakery fresh information transmission
Pearlie: LOL

Glen has several blogs (we call him Captain Blog Man) that range in topics from plus size information to plus size modeling, to travel, and his own personal blog. And he is doing VERY well in his blogging. I have tried my hand at blogging personally before and when I was in the zone, did pretty well. Then I decided to focus my attention more on B-N. That and, well, I haven't had much to blog about since I let v1.0 of the blog die on a personal level.

Still...having wonderful inspiration from both Glen and the great folks at Clutch (I heart them so much right now...I might have to email Ms. Sutton and ask her in the most gracious and humble way I know how to serve as my mentor. 'Cuz everyone needs one.) is pushing me in that direction. I know B-N as a concept could move over to a blog format and done correctly, could be a big thing. Mostly because B-N isn't just fashion. We aren't just size acceptance. We have always been all that and more.

I definitely have some thinking and planning to do. I did notice that NYU School of Continuing and Professional Studies has continuing education courses on new media. I keep hemming and hawwing about grad school. NYU's Master of Science in Publishing is exactly what I want in terms of learning the magazine business and getting some good contacts. But their Certificate in Publishing is something that I can start working on NOW, while I start my prep courses for the evil GRE.

Everything worth having is worth fighting for. So the battle begins now...

How to Look Good Naked

I adore this new show on Lifetime! I couldn't wait to see it when I saw the commercial with Carson Kressley (formerly of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy) walking down the street and all of the women stripping down to their bras and panties. I thought to myself--"wow, I could NEVER do that!" And I think that is the point of the show. We are ALL sexy. If we can be comfortable with the skin we are in, we can be comfortable walking down the street everyday.

My favorite part of the show: when Layla's nude portrait is on the side of the building and this guy says "Yeah, she is hot!" and his skinny girlfriend looks so horrified that he would even say such a thing! Second favorite was the couple in the LB store and when Carson asks dude if Layla looks sexy in her bra & panties, his girlfriend's head whips around SO FAST! Carson cleaned it up so well by saying "He can look, but not touch!"

I was hoping the show would take the positive spin it did, athough I was quite surprised when my friend and pro-blogger, Glen of FullFigurePlus.com, blogged saying that the comments weren't all that positive for the show. And, as is usually the case, there were some naysayers out there who thought that the show was "missing" featuring "exercise"and missing a "psychologist and a dietician".

*insert eye roll here*

Let me tell y'all something. I have been fat all of my life. Yes, now people have all sorts of cute nicknames for it: Big and Beautiful, Curvaceous, Full Figured, etc. But for me, I'm fat. There is nothing that any psychologist is going to be able to tell me that will make me not have days where I loathe each and every piece of cellulite that I have on my 5'4" frame. However, if I am wearing a cute outfit, and my hair is done, and I think, "damn, I look pretty good today" and walk out of the door with that attitude in my mind, I will feel better about myself. I will still be fat, BUT I will be in a better mindset. Because that is really all it is.

"I think, therefore I am." Yanno?

That is completely why I created Belle-Noir.com. For both women who have all the confidence in the world, and those who need a reminder every now and again that they are beautiful, period. This show takes that and runs with it and if I had the money right now, I'd take out a full page ad in the NY Times and all it would say is "To Carson Kressley and Lifetime TV: THANK YOU!"

I have already set my box to remind me when it comes on, so I can watch it every week. I tried to find out how to audition for the show, but didn't see that on the site. I signed up as a member, though so if and when the email goes out, I will be right there!